Silent tears
by Silver Cream
Summary: Shizuo loved the rain and Kasuka loves that smile on his face. But as the rain continued to fall, Kasuka wonder who's fault was it really for his brother's death. Oneshot. Possible  spoilers to 'Goodbye'.


_Summary: Shizuo loved the rain and Kasuka loves that smile on his face. But as the rain continued to fall, Kasuka wonder who's fault was it really for his brother's death. Oneshot. Possible spoilers to 'Goodbye'._

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><p><em>Pairing: KazukaXShizuo, IzayaXShizuo<em>

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><p><em>Related to: Goodbye (Therefore, possible spoilers)<em>

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><p><strong><em>Silent tears<em>**

Dark clouds covered the sky as it releases its blessing to the ground below in forms of rain drop. Soft but gentle growl could be heard, made it sound as though the sky itself was lamenting for the death of his beloved brother. The air was cold and the ground was wet, but the scent of the earth was strong. He was sure Shizuo would be happy staying here.

"Nii-san...it's raining again. Are you going to play in the rain this time?" Kasuka asked softly as a small smile tugged against his lips –it wasn't an obvious smile and if someone saw him now, they wouldn't even be able to tell that he was smiling. The soft sounds of rain hitting against the stone and the ground continued as he waited for his brother's reply.

"Mum might get angry. So are you sure you still want to do so?" He asked back, sounded as though he had already received his brother's replied. But to Kasuka, he really did get back the answers to his question from the memories which he had treasured from the past.

"_Of course! Mum might get angry, but it's fun! You should try dancing or playing in the rain sometime too!"_ Kasuka could literally seem the warm and cheery smile on his eight year old brother's face. The eight year old Shizuo in his memories was tying his shoes before looking over his shoulder's to Kasuka. _"Well?"_

"I prefer watching and hearing the rain hit the ground instead of getting drench in the rain. I don't want to make mum angry..."

"_Hmm, okay...so are you going to follow me?"_

Kasuka gave a small nod and the younger Shizuo smiles before running out of the house and into the rain. Kasuka place his hands onto the cold and wet stone, taking in big breath of the earthy scent, trying to remember as much as possible of his past; of the memories where his elder brother played in the rain. Those were one of the few things that he knew Shizuo loved.

But that was the past, and this was reality; it wasn't right if he would only buried himself in the past, to shower himself with the side of his elder brother which only he knew. It just wouldn't be...wouldn't seem...fair.

"Nii-san...I'm sorry for not telling you about what happened when you first collapsed." Would apologizing now do any good? Maybe it wouldn't, but it was the most correct thing he could have done back then. It wouldn't make it as though he had abandon, betrayed his elder brother back then. But it seemed so right to have kept it hidden back then; To hide the fact that his elder brother was dying with each passing day.

"I'm sorry for telling your condition to Onihara-san. It was wrong to share something that you didn't know with someone you hated...was it?" He could almost feel the hands that pressed against his chest as tears fell from Shizuo's face. It made his chest tighten.

"_It hurts, Kasuka...I don't know why...but it hurts. It's...I'm sorry, please forgive me...I'm sorry..."_ From when his brother first choked out those words, Kasuka hadn't been able to understand what his brother had done wrong to apologize. Kasuka could still feel the trembling blonde in his arms, sobbing into his chest as he tries to comfort his brother from something which he didn't know of.

But he knows it must have been because of that man; Izaya was one of the few who could trigger the many emotion for the blonde, might it be rage, irritation and others. So sorrow must have been one of the few. It had to be.

Kasuka couldn't help but to feel slightly jealous with him; After all, Izaya was the one and only person who bid the blond farewell before Shizuo went to his last slumber, one which he would never waken from again. He couldn't help but to feel restless at the thought of Izaya saying something that would make the blonde unable to rest in peace.

Kasuka remembers asking Izaya what were the last few word his brother had said, but the informant dismissed it with a smug smirk before saying a whole string of words that held the simple message of 'I won't tell you.'. At that moment, he could almost understand why the his brother hated Izaya. But Kasuka didn't press on, he couldn't.

It must had been the emotion of fear that made him stare at the man before walking off; fear of knowing what were the words said. He had hoped that when he saw his dead elder brother, he would shred a tear, or better still, cry his eyes out. But he didn't, could only stand with his eyes locked onto his brother's body as Arisu Hisako –the blonde's doctor– apologized in a soft and rather regretful voice.

Kasuka could feel the pressure within him grow at an alarming rate; one which needed to be released but couldn't and continued to linger within him.

Kasuka's hand caressed the name that were craved, eyes fixed onto each letter through his wet bangs. The rain had now began to pour down heavily, made the actor's cloth soaked in the rain. The heat from his body were now being seeped away by his wet cloths but Kasuka didn't do anything and continue to stand before his brother grave.

"Oya oya, what do we have here? Hanejima Yuhei, is it not?" Kasuka turned and faced the last person he'd ever wanted to see at the current moment: Onihara Izaya. The informant grinned happily and the actor knew why the said man came.

"I'm sure that my brother wouldn't like your presence." He murmured softly, in a voice which was devoid of any emotion. Kasuka had meant to make it sound loathing like how he felt about the raven, like how his elder brother felt about Izaya. But he couldn't, just like when he wanted to make the tears fall but failed to.

Izaya only sighed at him, looking rather displeased. "Rather monotone, don't you think?" Kasuka couldn't help but to agree with what the raven had said –though he didn't nod back. Izaya walked towards where Kasuka stood. When the informant bended down and took out something from his pocket, only then did the action itself disturbed the actor.

"_What's that flea planing of again? It's as though everything he does makes no sense! Like he just does it on a whim and then claims that he had everything planned out!" _The irritated growl from his brother in the past suddenly came to his mind as he watch Izaya hum softly with his hands moving swiftly to set up something on his brother's grave.

"What are you doing on nii-san's grave? I won't forgive you if you're try to blow it up."

"I can't understand why when you say such words which should sound threatening, it just sounds so cold and harsh. Do you have something against me...like Shizu-chan?"

"Nii-san would have preferred if you called him Shizuo-kun."

"You don't need to be so touchy, do you? Shizu-chan's _dead_. It's not like he can raise from the ground and start chasing me like..." Kasuka doesn't know why, but Izaya's voice sound a little crack when he said those words. It was as though Izaya-

"Oh, or was it this; Shizu-chan's a zombie? I won't be shock if he is one. After all, he's a_ monster_." That was when something inside of Kasuka snapped. Screw what he had though about Izaya being sad about his brother's dead. As if such a being like him could feel sad for Shizuo.

"Nii-san never was a monster. He's just like me, you and every single one of the _humans_ you claim to love." His growled, voice filled with boiling rage.

Through his acting carer, Kasuka realized that he was almost capable of having that deep low growling voice like his brother. And for once, he was glad that what he had just said wasn't some line from his scrip, that it came from something within him.

It must have been an emotion he felt. Yes, it had to be...

The informant looked a little shocked before he smirked in amusement. His eyes seemed to gleam and looked as though to say something; what it was, the actor mightn't know.

"Hmm...so it affected you as well...Shizu-chan, you should be proud. Your brother's finally showed one of the emotions." Izaya said in a gentle yet sympathetic before standing up and turned to walk away. Kasuka then turned to see what the raven had set up on the grave, only to see one lollipop. The actor couldn't seem to understand why the raven did such a thing but didn't ask.

"What did nii-san say on that day?" His voice might have been rather monotone, but the raven could sense that it was somewhat laced with regret. Izaya turned and looked at the actor. Both eyes locked with each in silence before the informant waved his hands in the air, looking as though he was considering whether to tell or not to.

"He just thanked me for being his friend...Isn't it weird? Thanking the one person that caused him so much trouble. I guess even at his death, he's just as unpredictable." With that, Izaya walked away. He might have been trying to escape anymore questions the actor had wanted to ask or he just couldn't stand being here any longer. Whatever it was, the actor might never know.

But that was okay. After all, there were things which were better left unsaid, weren't there? Maybe...

"Nii-san...thank you..."

For the first time, Kasuka smiled before walking off. He could hear the soft footstep behind him, along with a soft voice that called after him. Turning around, his eyes widened within that split second before it settled down, believing that it was only his eyes that played a trick on him.

"_Yea...bye"_

The actor didn't know why, but at that moment it felt as though the weight on his chest was lifted. His face felt more hotter and wetter as he looked at the grave from a distance one more time. The voice seemed to choke in his throat when he tried to say something. The next thing the actor knew was that he was on his knees as his tears mixed together with the rain fell, washing away his lost and unconscious guilt.

If only he could see his brother one more time. If only he was able to understand this feeling of protection. If only he had understood earlier. If only he had said those words. If only his brother didn't die...If only he could say...

"I love you...nii-san..." the voice was so soft and inaudible through his choked voice that no one could have made it out. But what one could have understood was the actor's sadness for the lost.

The sky never cleared for the next following hours, rained it tears of both the lost and hope of courage that would come after.

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><p><strong>AN:**

After going through a live-or-die situation, I kinda got the motive to continue with 'Goodbye'. Therefore, a oneshot to place my ending thoughts before I continue with the main one. Like they say, it's better to have the goal in mind.

Hopefully I'll keep my word..._hopefully__..._


End file.
